Chasing Dreams and Acceptance ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Nine

🎧 For the One Who Keeps Striving But Still Feels Like It’s Not Enough

She was the achiever. The one who checked all the boxes, hit every milestone, and made it all look effortless. But behind the accomplishments was a quiet exhaustion – and a longing to know if she was loved for who she was, not just what she did.

If you’ve ever tied your worth to your performance…if you’ve struggled to slow down or rest because there’s always another goal to chase…this story might feel familiar.

Before her Type is revealed, you’ll walk in her shoes – through the pressure to succeed, the fear of failure, and the longing to be fully seen without needing to earn it.

Then you’ll hear from Kimberly, a compassionate entrepreneur, mom, and coach, who shares how learning to release the pressure, embrace honesty, and rest in her belovedness brought her true freedom and peace.
Connect with Kimberly Wright here: https://perceptionleadership.com/

🎁 Get your free EnneaSummer Guides + curated podcast playlist here:
 👉 simplywholehearted.com/enneasummer

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome to the Enea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted. Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type. It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this: to hear your own story differently. To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself. If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home. I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side. Let's begin. Imagine waking up already consumed about getting to the finish line, knocking out the deadline, and reaching that goal. Success isn't an option. It's expected, maybe even demanded. And thankfully, you know exactly how to make it happen. You're the one with the color-coded calendar, the spreadsheet, the plan for everything. People admire you and your drive. They count on your results, but sometimes you wonder what it would feel like to slow down, to be known for who you are, not just what you accomplished. Today you're stepping into the mind of someone who is wired for excellence, yet learning that the biggest win isn't always the one with the loudest applause. Can you guess who I might be talking about? Well, let's take a walk in their world. My phone is buzzing even before I open my eyes. Calendar reminders, work emails, Slack notifications. I swipe through as I brush my teeth, already sorting out the day in my mind. There's a morning meeting, two client calls, a project deadline by four, and camp drop-off and pickup somewhere between all of them. I throw together lunches, I check my email between bites of toast, and I try to listen as my daughter tells me about her swim test later that day. I nod, smiling, but my brain is already in my inbox. My husband also mentioned something about rescheduling a doctor's appointment. I nod again and smile. Okay, keys, phone, bag. I heard the kids out the door and into the car, glancing at the clock as I pull out of the driveway. Hey mom, are we still on for ice cream? My son asks from the backseat. Of course, I say. Maybe a little too quickly. I mean it, I really do, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I already know. If today doesn't go perfectly, that promise, I don't know if I can keep it. By two o'clock, my brain feels like a browser with too many tabs open. I'm leading a client strategy meeting, but my phone keeps lighting up. My husband. Don't forget to book the dock sitter for the trip. My daughter. Swim test went well, my friend. Can you help me with the charity event next week? I should feel honored, needed, and trusted. Instead, I just feel stretched. Right after that very interrupted meeting, my boss pulls me aside. Hey, I've got a project that needs a strong lead. It's high profile, big visibility, and it could lead to a promotion. My heart is pounding in my chest. This is it. And then she glances at the time. But we need to jump on a call tonight to prep before the weekend. I freeze. Not tonight. I promise ice cream, an evening swim, and I have to get ready for that family vacation. I've postponed twice because of my workload. I nod, trying to buy myself an extra moment. This is what I've worked for. But is it worth the cost? In my mind, I can almost hear my son's voice. We're still on for ice cream, right? I take a deep breath and I steal my courage. I do appreciate this opportunity. But I made some promises to my family tonight, and I need to keep those promises. Her eyes widen for a beat, and then she nods. Understood. I'll circle back next week. I gather my things, my phone buzzes again, but this time I choose to silence it. Driving home, I feel the adrenaline slowly drain out of me. And I have to wrestle the day's events with the Lord. Jesus, please help me remember I'm already enough. Even when I don't take this opportunity, even when it's one of those moments I'm not gonna win. And that night, we went and got the ice cream, we swam under the stars, and no one else really notices or even makes a comment about and certainly doesn't understand the trade-off I made. But I do. And I know the Lord does. In the end, it feels like the biggest win I've had in a long time. Well, did any of that fictional story feel familiar? Or maybe you were picturing someone you know, someone who keeps every plate spinning, who seems to do it all with ease, yet perhaps secretly carries the weight of making it all look effortless? Before I tell you the personality type that I was talking about, take a minute. What's your guess? Who's caught between chasing their dreams and chasing connection? Who's constantly weighing the cost of success, yet wondering if it will ever feel like enough? Is it a type one, a type three, or maybe a type seven? If you guessed an Enneagram type three, you're correct. Threes are driven, adaptable, and highly capable. They are wired for productivity and they thrive on setting and reaching goals. They often do come across as someone who has it all together, not just because they work hard, but because they've learned to shape shift to match what others expect. But beneath that very polished surface, there's often a quiet fear that they'll only be left for what they do, not for who they are. At their core, Enneagram 3s fear failing, which could look like falling short, losing respect, or even being seen as less than capable. So they typically work harder, move faster, chase success, and not just for the achievement itself, but to protect themselves from that deep hidden fear of being found out as ordinary and certainly not enough. What an Enneagram type three longs for most is to know they're valuable, not just admired for their wins and successes and what they accomplished, but cherished for who they are underneath the titles and the accolades. A three's struggle often shows up as deception and or vanity. It's a tendency to shape shift and present a polished image or what they think others expect of them, or matching their peers and success, status, even clothing choices. And this is all at the expense of disconnecting from their true feelings and desires. And underneath it all for any Gram3, there is one quiet truth they're aching to hear. You are loved for who you are, not for what you do. Threes will often struggle to believe that they are what they accomplished, but when they begin to trust that their worth is not tied to their performance or the outcome, and when they slow down long enough to listen to their own hearts, a three can become an inspiring leader who motivates others not by their hustle, but by their honesty and wholeheartedness. Threes can teach the rest of us something we might forget that drive, ambition, and hard work aren't inherently bad. In fact, they're often a beautiful reflection of God's design, desire to build, to create, and to lead with purpose. But here's the paradox the most meaningful success doesn't come from hustling harder or achieving more. It comes from learning to slow down enough to hear the quiet truth underneath it all. Now, this summer I've had the privilege of riding along on my friend's wake surfing boat. It's fast, it's sleek, it's built for speed, and it helps the surfer get up and ride the waves. But even the fastest boat needs to drop anchor sometimes. So it can rest, to study, to reconnect with the shore, and maybe even other boats without peril. And maybe that's their gift to the world. To remind us that ambition isn't bad and their speed helps others get up. But over time, it can be even more powerful when it's anchored in rhythms of rest, not just going full steam ahead all of the time. Now I want to introduce you to someone who has walked this exact path. This wholehearted client knows what it's like to run fast, to carry a long list of goals, and to quietly wrestle with the fear that slowing down might cost her everything. Through our coaching together, Kimberly began to untangle the voices of pressure and expectation. She learned that her worth isn't found in her title or her productivity, and that grace, not hustle, is the real fuel for a wholehearted life. Now here's Kimberly sharing her story in her own words.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Hi, my name is Kimberly Rye, and I live in the Kansas City area on the Kansas side. And here's my wholehearted journey. So many years ago, when I was in sales, my supervisor gifted me a book and a study guide called The Road Back to You. And I read it for a few days. I loved what I was reading, but admittedly, I didn't stick with it for too long. And it started collecting dust on a shelf, and I got back to my hectic schedule and my life. But I can say that as a person who graduated with a psychology degree, I found it really fascinating and interesting. And despite taking the assessment a couple of times, I still wouldn't really commit to what number best fit me. I thought I was a one, but I didn't think I was a perfectionist really. But I do crave things to be right and just, and I can get irritated when I see people do a poor job in their workplace. And I hate making mistakes. But I also thought I could be a three, but I didn't want to be the quote unquote performer because it seemed so fake. And I really strive to be a genuine and authentic person. And although I desperately wanted to be an overachiever, I didn't believe that I had the discipline to do so. Then I thought, well, I'm a three, a nine. And because I would avoid conflict my entire life, I tried to always be flexible growing up. I had to be because of my childhood. And I would never defend myself or prioritize myself at all. Most of my life, I would never take a day just to do nothing at all because it felt extremely selfish. So a year or so before I started coaching with Amy, I was working at one of my son's high school football concessions with an acquaintance, and she loved Enneagram. And she brought it up and she asked me if I was a one. And I told her, Well, I don't think so, but I'm not sure. I said, I think I might be a three, but I could also be a nine. And she kind of nodded and she agreed with all of those as, you know, options. So that didn't really help either. But three was her last choice of those options. But again, we didn't know each other super well. So then fast forward a year or so, and I'd gotten to know Amy through a monthly luncheon that we both attended. And she had shared about a bit about her coaching and some really insightful things about Enneagram. And at the time, I was working with a nonprofit organization and was working about 50 hours a week minimum. And on a on top of that, my mom had passed a few months prior. And it got to where everything just felt like it was too much. And I don't know what finally was the catalyst for me to commit to coaching with Amy, but I do believe it was completely divine. If you've ever walked through a season of grief, then you understand that everything it just feels like a fog, that some days you're just going through motions like a robot. And between March of that year and the following January, I'd lost my mom. And then I lost a close uncle I dearly loved. And then my father-in-law passed in January, which was also a devastating loss for me. And so this grief was just compounding. And my work situation was becoming more toxic and unhealthy by the day. And honestly, it got to where I was gaslighting myself because my boss was so toxic and he would gaslight me. But he would say something nice or complimentary to my face or in public to me in front of others, but then he would send me a personal email that was just meant to tear me down and criticize me. And it was just completely demeaning. So finally I started coaching with Amy and going through the assessment with honesty, of not worried about what do I not want to be, you know, and then really learning more through Amy. It was clear that I was an Enneagram three. And as we walked through the characteristics of being a three, this light bulb just clicked in my head. And I remember asking Amy, you mean I would have been like this anyway? Because I had thought all of my behaviors and thoughts that I'd had my entire life were these unhealthy defense mechanisms that I had developed from my childhood because it was so dysfunctional and it included two very traumatic events for me when I was 11 and 14. So to learn that this was just the way that God had wired me was so freeing. I had felt a lot of shame about some of my feelings or desires and struggled with my goals, you know, having these ambitions. And I thought I just spent my life trying to compensate for my parents' behaviors by being a quote unquote perfect child and becoming successful and respectable. And while there may have also still been some unhealthy coping behaviors from childhood, understanding the root of how God designed me, it really lifted a lot of shame and guilt that I had felt. I was diagnosed with ADHD just a couple of years ago as well. And learning that, on top of learning about my Enneagram 3, was two of the most just unburdening and liberating experiences because it helped me to see not only how my past had been driven by Enneagram 3, but also how having ADHD had frustrated some of my natural 3D tendencies. So learning those two little bits of information, it's allowed me to learn how to navigate the challenges of them, but also to operate in the strengths that they offer. And I have to say, I cannot imagine that there could have been anyone better to walk through that season of grief with me than Amy. I am 100% positive that God aligned us to work together purely as a blessing for me, that He was providing what I didn't know I needed as my perfect parent. Because I was so mentally spent from grief and my toxic work environment. I didn't have the energy to keep my walls up with Amy. And it's not easy for three to be too vulnerable. But not only did she help me to really understand my three being, but she helped me to identify those thoughts that came from a place of unhealthiness versus those that are the voice of the beloved. And we talked a lot about that orphan spirit and how that impacted my willingness to take risks and kept me stuck in a bad situation due to fear of failure or what people may think. And because I love nothing more than to stay super busy and to work and to check things off my list. Amy also helped me realize that my avoidance of truly grieving and allowing myself this time and space to do that. Because honestly, I was doing my best to avoid the grief of my mom passing. But as the deaths continued to happen with my loved ones, I really did need someone to call me out on it in a gentle and loving way and to help me to truly grieve those significant losses. So I'm I'm so thankful that I had Amy to walk through that season with me. Um, her calm and wise, sweet spirit was exactly what I needed, and I was able to continue to grow personally even in such a dark season. So I'm so grateful to God for just crafting that time for us together. So since the start of our coaching, I've made some significant life changes, and I think being able to apply some of those tools have made the changes possible. I mean, I still struggle with some of the same issues, but I'm thankful that now I'm able to identify which thoughts that are coming from the orphan side or the voice of the beloved. And that, you know, that orphan voice that still wants to give me a poverty mentality or lock me up from taking risks or action on something because my fear of failing and publicly in front of people and them knowing. But now I can identify those thoughts and I can cancel them out before it's allowed to really take hold and dictate my choices. So I'm thankful for that. So I did, I left my job and I'm now teaching leadership development workshops to women in lower and mid-level leadership, places of leadership. I'm finishing my third book, and I also lead a female business owners peer advisory group, and then I do some select one-on-one coaching. But every time I have a consultation with a potential coaching client, I always give them Amy's website information and her contact info, and I say reach out to her and talk to her also before you decide, because I know the impact that Amy's coaching and teaching has had on my own journey. And I know that I'm not the only one in that. So I want my potential clients to have the best fit for them. And sometimes that very well would be Amy instead of me. And I'm so thankful that because of working with Amy, I can now give myself permission to fully be myself while recognizing the unhealthy behaviors a little faster so I can correct my course. It's okay that I love to work and I feel energized when I accomplish something, and that being productive makes me happy. I can embrace those attributes about myself now, but now I can also embrace that resting and not accomplishing everything every day doesn't lessen my value or my potential. So I am definitely far from mastering it all, but I've learned to give myself grace. And I hope that within your own wholehearted journey, you also are learning to give yourself more grace. We're all just figuring things out as we go. And as a true blue three, I begrudgingly yet wholeheartedly admit to you that no one has it all together. We all need grace.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Did you catch that moment in Kimberly's story when she named the shame she carried for simply wanting to succeed? The way she spent her life trying to compensate, working hard, being the perfect child, chasing respectability and success to cover up the pain underneath it all. Well, that's the quiet story so many Enneagram threes carry. The belief that ambition Makes them selfish, that their desire to excel is something to hide or to manage on their own. But what Kimberly discovered is something every three needs to hear. That their drive isn't a flaw. It's part of God's design. That even their old coping patterns can lead to healing when they begin to understand how they were uniquely created. And maybe that's where the whole-hearted shift can happen. Not in abandoning ambition, but in releasing the shame attached to it. Now, if her story stirred something in you, and if you've been carrying guilt about your dreams or wrestling with old expectations, let's pause together for a breath. First, I'm going to say a prayer for you, and then invite you to breathe with me. Lord, when I find myself chasing approval, running after achievements, and losing sight of what really matters. Remind me that your love isn't based on my performance. Teach me to rest in my belovedness, to honor my ambitions without letting them define me, and to remember that I am already enough, simply because you say so. May I slow down enough to hear you. May I release the weight of striving, and may I walk forward, not for applause, but from a place of peace. Now, my friend, I'm gonna invite you to repeat after me. So breathe in. I am loved. Breathe out apart from what I do. Let's do that one more time together. Breathe in. I am loved. Breathe out apart from what I do. As you move back into your day, I wonder, what part of Kimberly's story mirrored your own? Or was it the fictional tale that caught your attention? Perhaps it was the struggle to reconcile ambition with faith or the pressure to keep up the perfect image. Or maybe it was about releasing shame that you've been carrying since childhood. If you felt even a flicker of connection with these stories, I would love to walk with you in your next step toward healing and wholehearted living, offering a real actionable plan, accountability, and lasting success. You can take your next step by visiting simplywolehearted.com forward slash any Summer to download your free guide specifically for your Enneagram type. And then as you learn more about you, you can take that next step to book a clarity call to get the personalized support that will create lasting change. You don't have to keep chasing love for acceptance. You're already seen, already worthy, you're already loved. And now, my friend, this is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted. We're all broken, we're all blowing in. But the Brave One, she does something about it,